I’ve been inactive in-world for the past week. I haven’t felt well in a variety of ways, but this morning I’m trying to get back into the swing of things. It’s weird in that I need change as much as anyone, but seem to have more difficulty with change in an emotional sense than most people.
The events that brought me to move away from hosting and creating my Zen garden seem extreme if you look at it logically, but the change was natural for me in the context of my life. Becoming geisha is another story, though. I’ve been seriously considering joining a geisha house and going through the geisha training. My goal is to become a full geisha. The reason I haven’t made the commitment yet is I’m afraid of being consumed by a world that I don’t fully understand. I’ve studied the way of the geisha and I have a great respect for the art, but I’m afraid that I’ll alienate many of my friends. I mean, the bluesy world is very far way from the world of the geisha.
Another concern is that if I become geisha, I won’t be able to partner without losing my status as geisha. On the one hand, I doubt that I’ll ever meet a guy that I want to partner with anyway because I’ve become so distrusting of guys in SL. On the other hand, one day about a month ago a guy asked me to help him get his SL Voice to work and in the process we chatted voice a bit and became friends. We liked each other and I was beginning feel that a relationship was possible, but he was just another visitor here, never here long enough for anything to develop. Still, the experience did give me a moment of hope of finding real romance here. The point is, if I should become geisha and meet someone… and partner… then I would forfeit the status I now seek.
Decisions that require a commitment can involve resetting the priority of things we value. This decision is like that. It doesn’t mean that I can’t go dancing or hanging out with friends. Becoming geisha isn’t a fulltime commitment, but it will reduce the time I have for many of the things I’ve done in the past.