Bewildered

The first couple months of this year were very difficult for me, difficult in frightening ways. Fortunately, in the first week of March I began working on expanding and improving my garden and that seemed to be the kind of change I needed. I got a sense of satisfaction from conceptualizing and building out the garden, and was consumed by the work. Since it’s completion, I’ve been rewarded by compliments from both friends and strangers.

I use this view of my garden as the desktop on my computer screen. It reminds me of the fun time spent working on it.

In the past month, I’ve been having a lot of pure fun in Second Life. In fact, I’ve had as much fun as anytime I can remember. My rez day party was especially important to me this year because I didn’t have one last year, and I was touched by the kind wishes and ROF,LOL at silly antics that took placed, I’m talking about Axe’s Spanking Chair, which I’ll never forget it.

I continue to run around with amazing, fun people. I have more friends than ever before, and continue to meet new, interesting people. I’ve even opened myself up by dropping my longtime “rule” of not chatting with guys until they say something to me (hey! I went to cotillion, ok?). Seriously, In the past I rarely IM’d any guy I didn’t know to start a conversation. And I’ve opened myself up in other ways too and am doing things I never thought I’d do (Hey, stop that, I know what you are thinking!)

My second life is really great right now, EXCEPT that in the past week I’ve become bewildered.

There are things that I’d like to do in SL and things that friends would like me to do, but these desires seem to overwhelm me. I’ve come to dread logging in and confronting IMs! And geez, the constant flow of group notices from the 25 groups I belong to, and I dread those group IMs that have become so commonplace.

Last night, I tried to slip into the Junkyard through the back entrance, but got caught in the “Sim Crossing” slingshot effect and ended up flying into Luci’s show. I wanted to avoid a grand entrance and just listen to music and dance by myself, but in a flash I was up to my neck in all the carrying on — as usual.

Later, I needed some private time and tried turning off the “friends online” checkbox thingie, so friends wouldn’t see me while I puttered around in the clutter of constructing new AOs. Anyway, a friend somehow noticed that I was online and I had to explain that, “yes”, I had turned off the friends online thingie because I couldn’t turn on “Busy” flag because, well, apparently it doesn’t work when you turn off the “AFK logoff” thingie, which I have done so I don’t get logged off if I’m inactive, like when I sleep in-world. I guess I could have turned on the “AFK Logoff” thingie then I could have turned on the “Busy” flag, but I didn’t think of that until just now. Geez. And I guess I could have just ignored the friend’s IM, but then who knows what he’d think.

There’s much more but that’s how the week has been going. Maybe I’m too just involved in SL again? Afterall, it feels almost like Springtime in real life. Maybe I need to get my hiking boots and head off into the mountains or get in the SUV and head over to Washington or Montana or up to Canada. Maybe I just need a break.


Anyway, I’m feeling increasingly bewildered. Maybe I’m just tired and need to go to bed.

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About Yordie

I'm an avatar in Second Life where I star as the heroine of a virtual fantasy life. In the real world, I'm writing my debut sci-fi novel.
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