This blog started out as a journal about the adventures and misadventures of an avatar in Second Life, but very quickly it became about me too, at least in an emotional sense. I continually try to separate my real life from my second life. And I like to believe that I don’t let my second life become part of my real life. Unfortunately, as most SL avies know, that is very difficult to do.
I used to be able to leave my second life behind when I logged out of SL. But lately, turbulence in my second life has carried into my real life. And when I’ve been in-world I’ve sort of been drifting without purpose. I like hanging out with friends, going dancing, working on my garden, and that sort of thing, but I have a pervading sense of emptiness that I can’t seem to shake. I just can’t put things into perspective.
Maybe if SL was just all good things and positive reinforcement, then I’d feel differently. But there are bad actors and bad things that seem to come out of nowhere. Ok, without naming names, this guy I knew in the past barged into my life the other night, drunken and irritable and appearing to need help, and even tho I tried to help him, he rejected the help and insulted me for my efforts. Geez.
There are other recent incidents that have contributed to my malaise, but I’m not mentioning them because the point is, when I write about my life as an avatar there’s a lot going on that I don’t write about. Maybe my mood changes would not appear as neurotic if I explained more of the crap (pardon, but I can’t think of a genteel word to convey this point) that is part of Being Yordie Sands.
Anyway, last night I was feeling intensely alone and didn’t want to leave Second Life, as if being there would somehow make things better. I was too tired to do anything, but I crawled into my pixelated bed and slept in-world all night. hehe.
Things are happening too fast for me right now. I can’t sort it all out.