Warning: This will be a more personal post than most in the recent past. So, any of you guys who don’t like “chic flicks” should go take the dog for a walk now because I don’t think you’ll like this.
Ok, life has a way of arranging unrelated events that become meaningful because they converge in time. There’s no way you see these things coming, and most of the time you are left struggling to figure out what happened. This is how it was for me in the past several days.
This past weekend was like most weekends. I worked on a couple of time consuming blog posts, and I didn’t spend that much time in Second Life. Spring came to Martha’s Vineyard, so I was really ready to rez in the season’s change. I worked on the settings for Firestorm. And on Saturday night I preferred to watch a movie, Sunshine (Michelle Yoeh was in it) then Saturday Night Live. While watching SNL, I also fiddled with Twitter… then in one of those moments in time, swarms of tweets began, Whitney Houston was dead.
I know I already talked about Whitney’s death, but the emotions from that event are part of the convergence I’m trying to explain.
The next day, CNN devoted it’s programming to Whitney and I kept the tube on all day. And even though I was doing a lot of things that day, I don’t really recall what I was doing. I remember making some blog posts and hopping on and off SL. And that evening I watched some romantic movies. Then it was Monday and I worked and that evening I needed to take my speedboat out on the Blake Sea, and that did not go well.
|On the Blake Sea I find such peace of mind.
But on Monday night, I tried to navigate the sims,
and again and again I had to fight the Firestorm viewer
and I was lost badly.
So, I left SL and headed back to my television. I had recorded a movie, Splendor In The Grass, and I was looking forward to seeing it.
I think I saw Splendor a lifetime ago, but I just couldn’t recall much about it (I suspect it was a time when I was smokin’ grass. *giggles*).
I’ve seen movies with both Natalie Wood and Warren Beatty — they were really beautiful people (well, Natalie is dead, Warren still lives) — and I thought Splendor was a romance movie.
I was hoping for an uplifting movie. I really needed to immerse myself in a wonderful romance.
Well, I guess those who know the movie know I was in for a tragic romance. Despite how beautiful Deanie (Natalie Wood) & Bud (Warren Beatty) looks and how much they loved each other, this movie would end with nothing more than the harsh reality of life. And the meaning of the movie is even explained by Deanie, when she is asked by her teacher to tell the class what the poet Wordsworth meant by a stanza from his poem “Ode: Intimations of Immortality.”
What though the radiance which was once so bright
Be now for ever taken from my sight,
Though nothing can bring back the hour
Of splendour in the grass, of glory in the flower;
We will grieve not, rather find
Strength in what remains behind…
As Deanie struggled to explain the meaning of this stanza, she was overwhelmed by how the poem applied to her own life. She broke down, realizing that she and Bud had lost their “hour of splendor in the grass.” And the events that followed led the couple further and further apart. In the end, their love could not be brought back and they had to find their strength what remained behind.
I kept thinking about that stanza. I was moved by so many emotions of the past weekend. I listened to several Whitney Houston videos. I could relate this notion of splendor to so many things. And a profound sense of loss filled my heart.
The next morning it was Valentine’s Day, my fifth since coming to SL. In the past, I’ve usually gotten at least one Valentine card or gift, a couple times I was even swept off my feet. But this year the only Valentine I got was from my best girlfriend. It was sad when I realized it was VDay. I can’t say I was really surprise though. Yes, I’ve flirted with romance in the past months, but each time I’ve found myself holding it back at an arm’s length (well, a couple times not quite that far *blushes*). In a sense, I created this romantic vacumn myself, although I didn’t realized it till Valentine’s Day. But now I realize what I’ve done and it isn’t anything to grieve. In fact, I’ve found an unexpected sense of freedom and strength in what remains behind…